With a broken heart..

I have decided to walk away from C3 Church.

I wanted to write this so that anyone that wonders why I left can have clarity, directly from me and not 3rd hand or rumored around or whatever. I love the people at C3 and I feel they deserve to know that I leave with a sad heart and that this is NOT easy.

Let me start by saying that I have no problems with the theology, beliefs or practices of the church. I absolutely love C3 and wish with everything within me I could still be there. I also want to be clear that the kids that I have gotten to know in Powerhouse are the most amazing kids in the world. I love them all so dearly and I already miss them just typing this. I will tell you straight up that when I was told to leave the kids ministry I cried like a baby. Childrens ministry is where my heart is so that is so hard for me to walk away from. Please don’t doubt that fact for a second.

Also, the middle and high school students I have been working with, I love all of them a lot. I truely am blessed to have had a chance to get to know them and be a part of thier lives. They are some truely outstanding people and God is going to do some crazy awesome things with them.

To all of the people I have worked along side, sat in community groups with, sat beside in service, and smiled at in the halls, I will miss you.

Leaving C3 is like leaving my whole life behind. I have been so consumed with C3 that it really has been my everything. So, having to find another place to go has been incredibly painful for me. I have been at the church since I was a freshman in high school. I was there through the transition. I was one of those people that stood up for the church when a lot of people wouldn’t.

However, last week I was asked to step down from leadership at the church. It’s not so much the reasoning behind being asked to step down, though I do have issues with it, but the manner in which everything was handled that has made me have to leave. I won’t get in to details of the way things went down, the people closest to me know it all. I won’t expose the details because quite frankly I DON’T want to give the church a bad name. You would think after everything I wouldn’t care, but truely, I do, I still think C3 does great things and I am not going to say anything malicious, or hurtful towards the movement. It is not in me to do that because I really belieive in the movement. But personal issues are causing me to leave.

Understand that while all of this was going on, I was praying and figuring out where God wanted me. I want to be at C3, and I did everything I knew to do, to stay there.

To be blunt, the leadership made it as difficult as possible for me to stay involved. And they made it near impossible for me to enjoy my time left there. So, seeing that, and feeling intense bitterness from some people, I have, with a heavy heart, decided to just walk away before I get hurt any farther.

On top of being hurt by what the leadership and a few people have done, I can’t be at a church where I am not allowed to serve. The Lord has called me to work in childrens ministry, and I am going to fufill that. At all costs. If that means I have to go somewhere else, then I will. Christ is my #1 priority, not advertising C3. I’m sorry. But no church or pastor will ever be above Christ. He is number one. End of story.

For those wondering the details why I was asked to leave leadership, I have no issue laying that all on the table. It was simply this:

I went to another churchs college service on Wednesday nights, and I liked it.

That’s literally it.

Oh, and I started a bible study for my friends.. not all of whom attend C3.

So, I got the boot. I would give you more details if there we’re any. But I can honestly tell you those we’re the only issues that they had with me. My leadership skills were never questioned, my integrity was never an issue, my heart for Christ, not a problem. I simply was pursuing the Lord, and it took me to things that we’re not affiliated with C3 church. I still worshiped there on Sunday mornings, served, and attended my community group.

I am not trying to rally anyone, or make anyone mad at the church. I am just letting everyone know the truth behind whats happening, because when I walk away, I won’t be there anymore to tell you what happened. So there it is. I am going to miss it SO much, and I’ve shed many tears knowing what I am losing.

But God has called me, and I will answer that call. And I trust that in time i will find a church to call home again. I trust that I will look back on this, and the pain I am going through now will be worth it.

I still have no idea what church I will be attending now, I am still searching for that. Pray for guidance in that area for me.

I would love to still see my C3 family, I love you guys so much. Please keep in touch with me, when I get a church home I’ll let you know where I have settled. C3 Church is still in my prayers, I hope they continue to reach the lost and introduce people far from God to him. It’s a beautiful thing when someone meets the Lord. That’s what made C3 such an amazing place.

The drama of the past 2 weeks has been too much for me, and I just do not feel I can handle the negative energy anymore. Those of you that have been bad to me in this time know who you are, I won’t say anything about you here, that’s between us. Those of you that are confused and hurt by me leaving, again I am SO sorry, believe me. I really did do everything I could to stay. This all started Wednesday the 29th, and I didn’t officially decide to leave until Thursday the 7th. That’s when I’m writing this. I just won’t publish it until after I have spoken with the leadership to let them know my decision. I feel that it is only appropriate if I let them know before I go telling the whole world.

I hope I made everything clear and that everyone understands my heart in this. If you have any questions at all, call me, e-mail me, facebook me, whatever, I am totally willing to talk to anyone that wants some questions answered.

I love you, and will miss you.

-Katie

Open Communication

I suppose I have always been about communicating with people. So, I am just confused with why some of the people I considered friends, out of nowhere have decided they want nothing to do with me, and are showing me such negativity. I understand when things come inbetween friendships, fights happen, but when there was no fight, no rift in the first place, I just don’t understand. It all comes from nowhere and I don’t know how to react because I am unaware what I am reacting to. I don’t remember maliciously attack any of these people but thats how they are reacting. Can someone remind me of a time I did something horrible to them? Becuase I sincerely would like to know what I did.

And believe me, like I said, I am about communication, so I have asked them directly what I did.. but I don’t think much of an answer will come from it.

So that poses the question, what causes unnecessary drama? My only answer can be dramatic people, people that thrive on having turmoil in thier lives. People that get some sort of enjoyment out of being angry and full of hate. Which, I don’t understand. I don’t like being hurt or angry, but I suppose that all people are created differently. I am praying for them, and hope that they can settle whatever internal issues they have that cause them to be this way. I wish that I was still close with them like I was, they we’re so much fun and great to talk with. I miss thier friendships. The closeness has been gone for a while, but the complete disconnect is new.

Today I had to sit down and have a discussion that was fairly uncomfortable, but I wanted there to be communication, and understanding in the situation. So that’s what we did. It helped. It created clarity for the situation, and now I have a decision to make based on all of the information. Everything was handled in a mature, respectful way, and it made everything as easy as possible. The situation is still tough but having communication flowing makes it way easier to handle.

What I would stress with this blog is simply this: communicate your feelings with people, it may be uncomfortable at the time, but it clears the air, and helps you know whether its an issue that can be worked past, and allow you to do that. Or, it can show you that the relationship just isn’t meant to stand. Leaving feelings unsaid, and grumbling amongst each other without ever even showing your feelings only to freak out later, is just foolishness.