Tucker..

Georgia.

 

Hmm.. well.

I may be moving there.

I don’t particularly like it there.

I was kind of always bored.. Stone Mountain isn’t terribly far, and theres a really good Mellow Mushroom. But otherwise, Tucker kind of sucks.

But then I realize.. it could be a fresh start, which is always nice.

But then I don’t know if I want one, I like how things are here for the most part.

I don’t know what I want. But if my parents move there, I’ll be headed there too. So, I dont know where I fall right now. Part of me wishs there was something tying me here to force me to stay, but there isn’t. There really isn’t anything that ties me down to Orlando, I have a job, friends, and a great church, but nothing that I couldn’t walk away from without serious effects. So.. I don’t know. It’s just a weird experience, realizing exactly how I fall inot place here.

I don’t know what’s happening with the move. But when I find out, I’ll let you know.

Uh oh y’all watch out.

It’s official.. racing is baaack.

I mean, well, kind of. Speed weeks aren’t until February, but I’m watching the Toyota All Star Challenge right now. Basically it’s reminding me that racing is awesome.

Trevor and Joey are both racing in it, which is pretty awesome. Joey is leading, Trevor however, is a lap down now because Ron Hornaday (this veteren Truck Series champion that I just lost a world of respect for) cause a wreck with the 1st place car while Trevor was in 2nd, and wiped out like half the field. Trevor had to fix his spoiler and so now he’s kind of screwed.. with less than 100 to go. Whatever, I’ve seen Trevor come back from worse in Lakeland.

Another wreck just happened. I’m not quite sure why these guys are driving like this tonight.

regardless.

Racing is baaack. And I’m going to be quite annoying until November. haha.

Tasha decided to name my southern accented version of myself Katherine.

Prepare to see Katherine a lot in February, there is just something about Speedweeks.

Come close and hold my heart

When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers

the moon and the stars you set in place

what are mere mortals that you should think about them,

human beings that you should care for them?

Yet you made them only a little lower than God

and crowned them with glory and honor.

You gave them charge of everything you made,

putting all things under their authority

the flocks and the herds

and all the wild animals,

the birds in the sky, the fish in the sea,

and everything that swims the ocean currents.

O Lord, our Lord, your majestic name fills the earth!

Psalm 8:3-9 NLT

The heavens proclaim the glory of God.

The skies display his craftmanship.

Day after day they continue to speak;

night after night they make him known.

They speak without a sound or word;

their voice is never heard.

Yet their message has gone throughout the earth,

and their words to all the world.

Psalm 19:1-4 NLT

I sat outside today and looked up at God’s creation tonight. I took my bible and my journal out there, and put my iPod on a praise and worship playlist.

It was one of the most intense times with God I’ve had.

I had all this planned today.. I read Psalm 8 about 25 times throughout the day. For some reason it just kept ringing through my head. So I decided tonight I would grab some starbucks, and spend a little time with God out under his sky.

God kind of changed my plans though.

It got super cloudy when i wanted to go out there, but I was determined. So I started praying, asking God to give me a chance to have a clear sky to go out and get lost in. I prayed for him to open my heart to what he wanted me to hear, to open my eyes to what he wanted me to see. To let me let him guide me through that time, to make sure I got what I needed to get from it.

So, around midnight I walked outside, and the sky was a lot clearer, I grabbed my bible, notebook and iPod and sat down in my backyard, not really sure what to expect.

I’m still not sure what happened.

Everything became overwhelming and consuming. It was really amazing. The moon has been really bright lately, and it was the same way tonight. I just started talking to God about everything. Praising God for everything, asking God for help. I don’t know how to describe what I felt, but it’s amazing to be in touch with God, and to fully let him take over. I get so consumed with working and trying to keep up with schedules, that taking time to totally focus on God and letting absolutely everything else go  doesn’t happen much. I’m so glad I did this tonight, because God revealed so much, and really brought my heart closer to him. My desire is for God to truely be my center and to be the driving force behind every breath I take.

Normally, stuff I write down stays tucked away in my prayer journal.. but I want to share some of this, because I think these prayers and thoughts can be universal. So, here are a few blurbs from my prayer journal

“I love my God, my Holy father, my shepherd, my rabbi. He is all I need and all my heart truely desires. The Lord has been so good to me, and for that I give thanks, always.”

“This (the night sky) is a glimpse of what God is like. Huge. Beautiful. Brilliant. Awe inspiring. Incomprehensible. God made all of this, the moon and the stars, and yet he is still concerned with me, and loves me.”

“Lord, I long to be consumed by your presence”

“Calm my restless heart, and ease my mind. Focus my thoughts on you and your great love, and help me to trust in you completely.”

I’m blessed to have experienced a night like this. I couldnt ask for better company, God is proving to be more relevant in my world now more than ever, and I’m so grateful for the closeness I feel. I pray I always feel connected to God and never fall away from this peace and love and understanding. I pray you feel it too, and I praise God for absolutely everything.

One tear in the dropping rain

One voice in the sea of pain

Could the maker of the stars

hear the sound of my breaking heart?

One life is all I am.

Right now I can barely stand

If you’re everything you say you are

won’t you come close and hold my heart?

…lyrics from Hold My Heart by Tenth Avenue North

I kind of wonder

how people percieve me.

I’m not one of those that needs to be thought of a certain way to be happy, I usually just don’t care much, as long as I have friends and I’m living the way God is showing me, then I’m cool. But I just started wondering, because I seriously have no idea how I come across.

I would bet everyone would have a different idea of who I am.

My iPod probably thinks I’m bipolar.
And I say that because my iPod just went from Jason Aldean (country) to Leeland (christian altrock) to Rancid (punk rock) to Someone Still Loves You Boris Yelstin (indie) and that in itself is an identity crisis. I blame this ridiculous playlist on my weird upbringing.

But back on topic.. I just have this feeling that I come across differently to different people.. or like I am just confusing in general. I don’t even know what my ’style’ is. Or how I act. Am I funny? am I serious? am I hard working, lazy, smart, stupid, city, country, fun, boring, dorky, cool, nice, mean, relaxed, frantic, ugly, beautiful, classy, trashy, unique, the same, broken, put together, a leader, a follower, tame, wild, a friend, an enemy?

I think I’m all of those things at different times.

I don’t know who I am at all.

But

I know exactly who I am.

Like Moths To Flame

once again these bitter herbs
the perfect compliment to all your cryptic words
I nod but don’t know what to say, but I know you
and I believe you’re who you say you are so I

I will follow you, lay down my life
I would die for you, this very night

once again the bread and wine
but it seems the meanings may be deeper still this time
and you surprised me when you said I’d fall away, don’t you know me
I could never be ashamed of you, no I

I will follow you, lay down my life

I would die for you, this very night.

I’ve never been this cold, the fire’s gravity compels
like planets cling to sol, I feel my orbit start to fail
like moths to flame I come, too close and all my oaths are burned
as stars begin to run, all my accusers take their turn
and calling curses down, from my lips lies like poison spill
and then that awful sound, the sound of prophesy fulfilled
and then I met your eyes, and I remember everything
and something in me dies, the night that I betrayed my king

 

 

Those are the lyrics to a song by Thrice, I felt compelled to post them today. There’s just something about it that makes the story come to life.  The emotion in it and the way the lyrics are written, I just always get really moved by the song, the betrayal of Jesus is depicted in such an interesting way. I don’t know. I just felt like posting the song today. There are a lot of references shoved in that last bit. It’s just cool when songs are direct interpretations of the bible. I love worship music, but songs like these pack a real punch to me.

I am such a geek…

So… for whatever reason my brain decided to remember how much I love Mystery Science Theater. Annnd now I’ve remembered just how much. See, a new version of mst3k has come about, well 2 technically but I’m talking about the one called Rifftrax. It’s just audio, dubbed over new movies, as opposed to audio and silohouettes over bad old B-movies. Anyway, in 2007, me and a few other devouted riffing fans, riffed our own. We wrote an entire script of jokes over Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone. How I forgot about this, I don’t know, but I did. It took me an entire day to get my script written, which honestly was fast and left a lot of room for errors and not perfect jokes.. but whatever. We had some cool techies piece the scripts together and record it. There’s even a neat short cip from our movie on YouTube.

It’s pretty darn cool, and I had seriously forgotten I had written a third of this script. Like.. my name is on the back of a DVD cover. It’s cool. But, my favorite thing is that Mike Nelson (look him up he is amazing) has seen it, and gave the thumbs up..

 

Kudos from Mike Nelson to us on riffing a movie is like.. Michael Phelps telling you you are a strong swimmer. It’s intense.

Now I feel like a total nerd. But I don’t care, MST3K is my one huge nerd-o-rama thing. and I’m proud of it.

The aformentioned Mike Nelson.