From heartbreak to total PEACE!

Well everyone, I am glad that I can write this blog with a big smile on my face. The last one was with tears in my eyes. So this is a pretty stinkin awesome turn around! Love it!

The irony here, in case you don’t catch it, is that I got pulled from my leadership position at C3, essentially because they worried I would leave and join Aloma… and because of that, I had to leave, and ended up settling at Aloma. So basically they pushed me away.. to exactly where they didn’t want me in the first place. Ironic. I love it. It’s fantastic when things come full circle like some divine comedy routine.

So here’s the news:

I am now a member at Aloma! Which is very exciting. I honestly never thought that I would end up staying there, I was just using it as home base until I found a new church home, but somehow, in the process of searching, Aloma became my home. The people in the college group are a blast, I love hanging out there on Wednesday nights, it’s a great time.

The sermons, amazing. Exactly what I need to really grow, and be challenged. Sunday mornings are so nice because I am captivated and I really get to worship and learn on a totally different level.

Sunday nights Pastor Anthony has been going through Revelation, and I am learning so stinkin much! It feels like I am in a college course on Revelation and I would be getting an A. I am so interested when he speaks, he is a freakin awesome pastor.

And Breakaway.. I already said I love the people and the fun we have, but the messages have been top notch. David has been going “back to the basics” every week and it is a very convicting series. Simple stuff but it’s pretty powerful when he hits on a personal weak point. Plus he is one hilarious guy, I’m in stitches the whole time. It’s the perfect college group.

I am really pumped about working VBS with Aloma this year, I am super blessed that I will be with 4th and 5th grade. Which is my forte, any one that ever worked with me in Powerhouse or at Avalon knows I love that age group, and I actually know how to communicate with them. So that rocks. Plus I’ve never done VBS and considering I work at the place that supplies ALL of the materials.. it would be nice to know what the stuff is used for for once

So basically, I am so so so so so blessed to have all of this resolved as quickly as it was. God is SO good! I thought I would be displaced and trying to find a new church home for months.. but within 2 weeks it seemed God was calling me to stay at Aloma. It’s so incredible to see that all this negative stuff that happened was all just to get me to move forward to what God has for me at Aloma. Romans 8:28 y’all! It’s for real, my life is proof.

I am HAPPY!

I want to extend a big thank you to everyone who called me and sent messages and such, it was so nice to hear from supportive people that understood. Every message I got I really truely appreciated, more than I can say. And to all of my friends that we’re there from the beginning to go through the turmoil with me, THANK YOU. There we’re about 7 people that we’re incredibly helpful to me while this was happening and I count myself blessed beyond words to have them in my life.

I also want to thank everyone that attends UBS, because that bible study kept me focused on God and on learning and fellowshipping when I could have turned that same energy into being bitter. All of you made me believe people are capable of being good and staying good. UBS has been really awesome and I have learned a lot! Thank you guys for bringing your A game to our discussions and for letting loose, being real and having fun with us!

And a big thanks to Aloma for welcoming me in a way I couldn’t have dreamed. I oddly enough actually feel like I belong there. Shocking! But true.

I still miss my C3 students, and my C3 friends, but the great thing is, my real friends that I got at C3, are still around So I don’t actually have to miss them. They are the kind of people that are still there for me regardless, and for them I am especially greatful. They know to be loyal to Christ and not an institution. Thanks. I love you guys.

I have learned SO much through this, and looking back I am actually glad it happened.

With a broken heart..

I have decided to walk away from C3 Church.

I wanted to write this so that anyone that wonders why I left can have clarity, directly from me and not 3rd hand or rumored around or whatever. I love the people at C3 and I feel they deserve to know that I leave with a sad heart and that this is NOT easy.

Let me start by saying that I have no problems with the theology, beliefs or practices of the church. I absolutely love C3 and wish with everything within me I could still be there. I also want to be clear that the kids that I have gotten to know in Powerhouse are the most amazing kids in the world. I love them all so dearly and I already miss them just typing this. I will tell you straight up that when I was told to leave the kids ministry I cried like a baby. Childrens ministry is where my heart is so that is so hard for me to walk away from. Please don’t doubt that fact for a second.

Also, the middle and high school students I have been working with, I love all of them a lot. I truely am blessed to have had a chance to get to know them and be a part of thier lives. They are some truely outstanding people and God is going to do some crazy awesome things with them.

To all of the people I have worked along side, sat in community groups with, sat beside in service, and smiled at in the halls, I will miss you.

Leaving C3 is like leaving my whole life behind. I have been so consumed with C3 that it really has been my everything. So, having to find another place to go has been incredibly painful for me. I have been at the church since I was a freshman in high school. I was there through the transition. I was one of those people that stood up for the church when a lot of people wouldn’t.

However, last week I was asked to step down from leadership at the church. It’s not so much the reasoning behind being asked to step down, though I do have issues with it, but the manner in which everything was handled that has made me have to leave. I won’t get in to details of the way things went down, the people closest to me know it all. I won’t expose the details because quite frankly I DON’T want to give the church a bad name. You would think after everything I wouldn’t care, but truely, I do, I still think C3 does great things and I am not going to say anything malicious, or hurtful towards the movement. It is not in me to do that because I really belieive in the movement. But personal issues are causing me to leave.

Understand that while all of this was going on, I was praying and figuring out where God wanted me. I want to be at C3, and I did everything I knew to do, to stay there.

To be blunt, the leadership made it as difficult as possible for me to stay involved. And they made it near impossible for me to enjoy my time left there. So, seeing that, and feeling intense bitterness from some people, I have, with a heavy heart, decided to just walk away before I get hurt any farther.

On top of being hurt by what the leadership and a few people have done, I can’t be at a church where I am not allowed to serve. The Lord has called me to work in childrens ministry, and I am going to fufill that. At all costs. If that means I have to go somewhere else, then I will. Christ is my #1 priority, not advertising C3. I’m sorry. But no church or pastor will ever be above Christ. He is number one. End of story.

For those wondering the details why I was asked to leave leadership, I have no issue laying that all on the table. It was simply this:

I went to another churchs college service on Wednesday nights, and I liked it.

That’s literally it.

Oh, and I started a bible study for my friends.. not all of whom attend C3.

So, I got the boot. I would give you more details if there we’re any. But I can honestly tell you those we’re the only issues that they had with me. My leadership skills were never questioned, my integrity was never an issue, my heart for Christ, not a problem. I simply was pursuing the Lord, and it took me to things that we’re not affiliated with C3 church. I still worshiped there on Sunday mornings, served, and attended my community group.

I am not trying to rally anyone, or make anyone mad at the church. I am just letting everyone know the truth behind whats happening, because when I walk away, I won’t be there anymore to tell you what happened. So there it is. I am going to miss it SO much, and I’ve shed many tears knowing what I am losing.

But God has called me, and I will answer that call. And I trust that in time i will find a church to call home again. I trust that I will look back on this, and the pain I am going through now will be worth it.

I still have no idea what church I will be attending now, I am still searching for that. Pray for guidance in that area for me.

I would love to still see my C3 family, I love you guys so much. Please keep in touch with me, when I get a church home I’ll let you know where I have settled. C3 Church is still in my prayers, I hope they continue to reach the lost and introduce people far from God to him. It’s a beautiful thing when someone meets the Lord. That’s what made C3 such an amazing place.

The drama of the past 2 weeks has been too much for me, and I just do not feel I can handle the negative energy anymore. Those of you that have been bad to me in this time know who you are, I won’t say anything about you here, that’s between us. Those of you that are confused and hurt by me leaving, again I am SO sorry, believe me. I really did do everything I could to stay. This all started Wednesday the 29th, and I didn’t officially decide to leave until Thursday the 7th. That’s when I’m writing this. I just won’t publish it until after I have spoken with the leadership to let them know my decision. I feel that it is only appropriate if I let them know before I go telling the whole world.

I hope I made everything clear and that everyone understands my heart in this. If you have any questions at all, call me, e-mail me, facebook me, whatever, I am totally willing to talk to anyone that wants some questions answered.

I love you, and will miss you.

-Katie

Open Communication

I suppose I have always been about communicating with people. So, I am just confused with why some of the people I considered friends, out of nowhere have decided they want nothing to do with me, and are showing me such negativity. I understand when things come inbetween friendships, fights happen, but when there was no fight, no rift in the first place, I just don’t understand. It all comes from nowhere and I don’t know how to react because I am unaware what I am reacting to. I don’t remember maliciously attack any of these people but thats how they are reacting. Can someone remind me of a time I did something horrible to them? Becuase I sincerely would like to know what I did.

And believe me, like I said, I am about communication, so I have asked them directly what I did.. but I don’t think much of an answer will come from it.

So that poses the question, what causes unnecessary drama? My only answer can be dramatic people, people that thrive on having turmoil in thier lives. People that get some sort of enjoyment out of being angry and full of hate. Which, I don’t understand. I don’t like being hurt or angry, but I suppose that all people are created differently. I am praying for them, and hope that they can settle whatever internal issues they have that cause them to be this way. I wish that I was still close with them like I was, they we’re so much fun and great to talk with. I miss thier friendships. The closeness has been gone for a while, but the complete disconnect is new.

Today I had to sit down and have a discussion that was fairly uncomfortable, but I wanted there to be communication, and understanding in the situation. So that’s what we did. It helped. It created clarity for the situation, and now I have a decision to make based on all of the information. Everything was handled in a mature, respectful way, and it made everything as easy as possible. The situation is still tough but having communication flowing makes it way easier to handle.

What I would stress with this blog is simply this: communicate your feelings with people, it may be uncomfortable at the time, but it clears the air, and helps you know whether its an issue that can be worked past, and allow you to do that. Or, it can show you that the relationship just isn’t meant to stand. Leaving feelings unsaid, and grumbling amongst each other without ever even showing your feelings only to freak out later, is just foolishness.

Without Words

I have so much I could write today.

But I can’t so I won’t.

I’m so glad I have a God that listens and knows my situation and loves me enough to help me through it and guide me to what I need to do next.

I’m angry. I’m dissapointed. I’m shocked. I’m pretty disgusted. I’m heartbroken. I’m confused.

But I will hold all this in, and let God handle it. Because quite frankly, I have no other choice.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. – Phillipians 4:13

I know that is true, so I can get through this.

“Have A Great Legacy” – Mark Driscoll on dating

So, I like to watch sermons online from other churches that I like. I love watching Perry Noble preach from Newspring Church, one day I’d love to visit that church. So I was watching part of his series ‘Beautiful’ yesterday and today. Jon told me I should listen to Mark Driscoll, and I figured that seemed like a good idea since I like his books. So I went and found this particular sermon in a series he did called “Religion Saves, and nine other misconceptions”. The sermon I watched was about dating, and it was probably the best sermon I’ve heard on the topic. Nevermind, drop the probably, it just was THE best sermon on the topic of dating I’ve heard.

I took notes like always, and I could give you some bullet points that I liked, but it is just one of those sermons you need to hear. If you are single, watch this. It’s just too good not to listen to.  Regardless of where you are at in your ’singleness’ it’s going to be a great guide for you. If you are a parent, watch this sermon, it gives some good advice that you can relay to your kids. If for whatever reason you don’t want to take an hour out of your day to watch it, skip to the last 20 minutes, he asks 6 questions to guys, and 7 to girls, that you need to seriously think about. But try to make time for the whole sermon, there are so many great things in it.

Check it out. I promise you, you will get something out of it.

http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/religionsaves/dating

God teaches me so much when I’m driving.

For the record.. coming back from the beach, there was horrible rain. I couldn’t see a dang thing, the road was so wet, I definitely hydroplaned, it was just insane. But, I managed to get through that fine. Anyone that went on that beach trip today will tell you the same, the rain was pretty intense for a little piece of the trip.

But that was baby stuff compared to my lovely night driving experience. I’m laughing right now just thinking about how it must have looked from the outside.

let me paint you a picture:

I have arachnophobia, which ib basic terms means I’m terrified of spiders, but for it to be considered a phobia, it is a liiiittle bit more involved than that. It means that I’m incredibly irrational in my fear, and I can get into panicked states where I lose myself. It’s like.. insane. Anywaaaay..

Tonight I went to Breakaway with Amber, and I parked at her house.. under her spider-infested tree. And of course Amber has told me stories about how they have gotten in her car and they show up while shes driving. Um not fun. So.. I parked there and was already flipping out about having to drive home before I even got out of my car. So, then we go, and come back and it’s time to brave the trees.. I’m already flipping out, I’m like.. positive one has to be in my car, or like lurking in my air vents waiting to crawl out and give me a heart attack and kill me. But I have to get home so I just start driving in a slight state of panic. Well.. I can only think about the potential for a spider to pop out at any second, and I’m flipping out, my mind is SO not on anything but that, and all of a sudden I’m all confused and I realize I’m driving through grass. So I make myself aware of my surroundings, and I have apparently drifted off the street into some dudes lawn I guess.. I really was so confused, I got back on the road all baffled and still terrified, I just started praying that God would somehow get me home safely.

On top of this panic over the spider, it is like.. crazy thick fog, it wasn’t too bad by the airport, but heading towards the house it was insane, and of course my end of Alafaya is just rediculous, it was probably the freakiest thing ever, all I could see were the yellow lines on either side of me, and about 10 yards or so in front of me.. everything else was just faded to black. SO creepy, felt like some freaky nightmare. It actually kind of reminded me of like.. a mario kart game or something, where if you run off the road you will just fall into the abyss… yeah, it was like that. So here i am, freaking out thinking a spider is gonna crawl on me, and I can’t see ANYTHING, and I somehow managed to get home. I really am pretty amazed that I made it back, considering I totally hit my side view mirror today and it ripped off.

 

Today was NOT my day.

Regardless, if I can make some big goofy analogy out of all this (and I’m going to because this is my blog and I do what I want) it would be this:

About the time the fog got crazy on Curry Ford, I started praying.. and by praying I mean talking out loud in my car to god as if he was just sitting there with me.. that’s how I tend to pray. And i just kept saying “I trust you to get me home, I trust that You are in control here, not me, and that You will get me home without incident, You are in control, I trust You, You are in control, I trust You. I want so badly to be at my destination but I trust you completely with this journey even though it’s incredibly uncomfortable and I feel blind and scared and I just want to be done. You are in control and I trust You.”
As bizarre as that phrasing sounds, it’s exactly how I worded it. And I can say that about my life in general, not just my driving home in some crazy fog, but right now I feel SO blind and confused and scared out of my mind and I want SO badly for this freaky ride to be over, I just want to be at my destination. But, at the same time, it’s okay, because God is the one steering the wheel in my life and I trust Him to guide me the right way and to get me there safely, and in His timing.

God teaches me so much when I’m driving.

My Fascination with Sharks

I can’t really explain why, but I always have had this intense love and curiousity about sharks. Enough to the point where I have a favorite breed and know a lot of really random things about different breeds of sharks.
So.. quite naturally I love Shark Week on Discovery Channel like some people love the Super Bowl or some other big TV event. Today Animal Planet played a lot of shark specials.. mostly about attacks which was actually slightly annoying but still, fed my desire to hear about sharks and see them. Truth be told I’m still watching Animal Planet.. Shark Rebellion is on.
Anyway, I have random thoughts on sharks..
*Shark finning is probably the one ‘activist’ cause I get really fired up about. It’s freaking terrible. They hunt sharks, cut of thier fins for soup and let them die. My favorite breed, the Black Tip Reef, is declining in numbers rapidly because of this trend. It needs to be stopped before they are wiped out.
*JAWS is probably the dumbest film ever. Everytime I watch it I get annoyed.. it’s based on a true account.. but a.) that was a bull shark, not a great white, b.) sharks dont hunt people, they mistake them for other things so this out for human blood thing is stupid. c.) its entirely exagerated and created a really really bad negative image for sharks.

enough on the negativity though.. the other things I think of are how badly I one day want to go hang out all day in a shallow reef area with some Blact Tip Reefs. They are such amazing animals and I would LOVE to spend some time observing them and being in the water with them. It’s a dream of mine.

And, how lucky I am to be in Florida.. I don’t really care about the sharks off our coast, we have bull sharks, tiger sharks, and whites, and they are considered some of the most dangerous in the ocean. But also some less dangrous ones like the nurse shark, sandbar (really common), and lemon shark. There are plenty more off our coats that I dont really want to list out.
But.. my favorite the Blacktip Reef is only found in Indo-Pacific regions, so I won’t encounter one in the wild unless I travel.. which I’m totally going to do one day. However, until then, I’m extremely lucky to have a few of those beautiful sharks hanging out at the Cocoa Beach Surf Company. They have them in thier shark tank, why they chose the Blacktip reef? I am not 100% sure since it’s not local, BUT it would make sense given thier nature. Odds of them attacking someone feeding them? slim to none, hence me LOVING them.

I really wanna go sit by that tank for a while.. maybe I will do that tuesday. I have the day off. Im blessed to have some locally just chillin where I can see them whenever.. but one day I will go to new zealand and swim with them for real

Drowning Out Negativity

My friend Sara posted a blog last night, and it was right up my alley. So I wanted to go ahead and write my own thoughts on the subject.

Being single can be a struggle sometimes, at least that’s true for me. Usually it’s not a big thought on my brain, hasn’t been since high school, the pressure of having to be with someone just isn’t there and as a result I don’t typically care that much. Yeah, I want to get married and have a family one day, but that’s on God’s timing so I don’t worry about it. However, the Devil will take whatever he can get to try to get you to forget what God has already said is true. In Saras case, and in my case, he uses that single thing a lot. Doesn’t get to me like it used to, but it still has some power. The lies he loves to come whisper in my ear sound like this: “You just aren’t likable..” “See that girl, she is what you should be if you ever want to be happy.” But that is all complete crap. God has already told me otherwise, so why waste anytime even thinking those things could be true. Gods love, his agape love, is so much bigger than anything that could pull me down.

I remember a night a few years back when I was in high school. I don’t remember what was upsetting me, I’m sure it was some guy, but all these negative thoughts about my self just started flooding my mind, it was SO thick in that room, the negativity, and it was so ridiculous that I realized very suddenly that those thoughts were not from God.. so I basically flipped out, I’m pretty sure I literally yelled out loud for the evil freakin demons to go away because I wasnt gonna hear their crap, and I started praying, that God will be the one to fill my thoughts. Ever since that day, this hasn’t been as much of a struggle. It still is a struggle, but nothing like it was. Because I have the knowledge that God is bigger.

And on top of that, this is God’s plan. Right now, being single is where he wants me, so it’s where I want to be. I get to use this time to grow in my relationship with God. I get to figure out who I am, and what I want in life, without someone else to worry about. Honestly, it’s kind of nice. I see my friends that are in relationships and they are covered in drama constantly, it’s because they keep wasting time with guys that are NOT meant to be with them. So they get a lot of drama, because that isn’t who God has set up for them. And they are missing out on some sweet “me time”.

It’s just funny, because I realized on Sunday how good my current situation really is. I got to go to my amazing church. My morning starts with run throughs of Powerhouse where I laugh my butt off because of the people I get to work with. I get to go to a great worship service where I can worship my amazing God and hear some wisdom from my pastor. I get to act for some amazing kids, and teach my small group. I get big hugs from some amazing kids (Nate Bledsoe almost broke my ribs this week I think.. ).  And when all is said and done I go in the lobby and have gobs of friends I get to talk to. And this is all before lunch time.. ha. That particular Sunday I went to a Disney resort and hung out with another group of friends I have that I adore from work and Aloma Baptist. Hung out by the pool, played volleyball, hung out in the hot tub, played pool, checkers, and just had a lot of fun with my friends.

Why would having a guy in my life had made that any more fun?

Maybe it would have, maybe it wouldn’t have. I don’t really need to think about it because it was a great day exactly the way it was.

Sara is one of my great friends. And I see her struggle with this the way I used to. I work with students that I see struggle with this. I know that feeling, and it sucks, but it doesn’t have to be there. That’s what i want to communicate SO badly to people. The majority of people reading this (because I know my blog reader demographic haha) won’t entirely benefit from this because they are married or in relationships. But I know they may know someone that isn’t.

So, to those girls that are hearing that lie day in and day out, shut it out.
Stop belieivng that you aren’t worth something unless a guy says so. That is such a dangerous lie. And I know it is loud, and in your face, and sometimes life throws big fat reminders in your face. But screw that, drown all that out with the truth: God loves you, he has a PERFECT plan for you, and the person he has for you is worth the waiting.

A Perfect Pick Me Up

Okay, so, this week has been intensely stressful for me, and on top of that getting sun poisoning and having a crazy work load all week has been soooo redic. So, I need to laugh.. and THIS was the perfect thing. So, if you havent already seen this gem, check it out, probably the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. Love it.

David After Dentist

Sun Poisoned..

That’s actually a lyric from Soco Amaretto Lime by Brand New, but its also a pretty acurate descripion of me right now. I can’t really do much.. if I do too much I get really sick, my skin isn’t even the problem it’s the gross pukey feeling. I have a really high pain tolerance, so the burn isn’t that big of a deal, it hurts yes, but I would rather have that than the nausea. Pkus for some reason it’s making me cry about everything. Not getting what thats about. Amber has it too and she said she cried for no reason this morning. I left work sobbing.. I couldn’t really tell you why. Just now I’m watching Ellen and she gives some girl a car and I lose it.. what the crap? weirdest side effect of sun poisoning EVER. so, if you see me today or tomorrow and I just start crying.. don’t worry too much, I have no control over it. haha

the end.

 

oh, moral of the story, wear sunscreen